Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

Waiting for Isaac

Tuesday, August 28th, 2012
It’s about 10 am here, and seems like just another day.¬† It’s partly cloudy, but the sun shines through in breaks in the clouds.¬† There’s a small, warm breeze.¬† It’s just like fall.

It’s a little eerie though.¬† I step onto my back porch and hear nothing.¬† There are no birds chirping and no squirrels chattering.¬† We don’t hear them, and we don’t see them either.¬† Even the neighborhood dogs are silent.

We finished our preparations yesterday, so we are just piddling.¬† We’re doing laundry so that if we do have clean clothes if we do eventually lose power.

We’re just sitting here waiting for the rain to come.¬† They say Baton Rouge will get some in the afternoon, but it’ll be worse for us tomorrow.



Tuesday, August 28th, 2012

Well,¬† I’m still around.¬† Isaac is like a typical male — can’t make up his mind.¬† We are expecting to start feeling tropical storm winds after lunch today.¬†¬† But it looks like the hurricane won’t arrive until tomorrow afternoon or later.¬† This lolligagging over the Gulf just means it is going to be full of rain.¬† We are expecting 8 inches of rain within these 3 days, and more over the weekend.¬† New Orleans is expecting 10 – 20 inches.¬† They are predicting power outages to start late this evening around Baton Rouge, so we will see.

I don’t like these nighttime hurricanes.¬† I lived through one — Hurricane Rita.¬† It’s scarier than a daytime one.¬† You hear all these noises that sound so loud, and your imaginations go wild.¬† Rita had made it sound like it was tearing our roof off.¬† In a way it had; it had torn off some of the tin strips.¬† So a nighttime one is not one I’m looking forward to.

EBR finally announced that they were closing their schools in the late afternoon.  All of the other school systems had made their announcement before lunch.  They closed schools for Tuesday and Wednesday.  But if the storm keeps creeping and stalling, hubby might be home on Thursday, too.

We spent yesterday afternoon emptying the yard of anything that could become a projectile.¬† All my dragon chimes have been placed in the garage, along with my Hibiscus plant that I wanted to save.¬† Tommy mowed the grass.¬† This was to help with water drainoff.¬† Hopefully, it doesn’t get so bad that the water knocks down some more trees.¬† They wouldn’t fall on the house, but what’s a yard without trees?

I’ll check in periodically.


Monday, August 27th, 2012

Well.  Maybe that clock was forecasting my future.

We are in the path of Isaac.¬† It should be a Cat 1 when it passes within miles of us (Baton Rouge).¬† Right now we will still be to the west, the tamer side.¬† But we will be so close to the eye, that we should experience alot of the hurricane force winds.¬† And they think the storm will move a little more west before all is said and done.¬† But it won’t be any worse than Hurricane Gustav, so please don’t worry about us.¬† In fact we may fare better.¬† Gustav took 5 of our trees, so we have no more trees near the house to worry about.

I had to go to Walmart this morning to get oil for the generator.¬† Tommy’s at school.¬† I was not looking forward to fighting the people or the lines.¬† I was happy that my visit would be short, for I had done my grocery shopping last Friday.¬† But I went early — 7 am — and there weren’t lines.¬† It was crazy what the people were buying though.¬† They had buggies full of milk, milk that would spoil if they lose electricity.¬† The chips were gone, but all the good food — canned goods and stuff like that– was untouched.

Today is so sunny.¬† It’s a very pretty day.¬† The calm before the storm, I’m sure.

If we lose power, we have a generator.¬† Tommy’s already bought enough gas to last us a few days.¬† That’s important because there will be lines and even stores that will not open right away.¬† I’ll be able to get on the Internet sporadically.¬† So I will check in and let you know I’m ok.

This will be the first hurricane that my children have not been in the house with me.¬† My daughter lives out of the affected area, but my son lives here in Baton Rouge.¬† He’s a 22-year-old boy, so you know how well they have prepared for that.¬† But that’s part of growing old, getting experience.

After resting a while, I will need to start moving my plants into the garage.  I have a pretty peach-colored hibiscus that I want to save, and some violets.  Hubby plans on mowing grass when he gets home tonight, and then will move all the lawn furniture inside.

Come to think of it, this will be the first hurricane that I will not be in school.  In prior years, I was kind of looking forward to the hurricane break, as frustrated as I was with school.  But now, I have nothing to look forward to.

Ok, so I’m off to hurricane-proof my yard.¬† Everyone have a great, safe week.

Please Hear What I’m Not Saying

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

Please Hear What I’m Not Saying


Don’t be fooled by me.

Don’t be fooled by the face I wear

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

Masks that I’m afraid to take off

And none of them is me.


Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,

but don’t be fooled,

for God’s sake don’t be fooled.

I give you the impression that I’m secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me,

within as well as without,

that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

that the water’s calm and I’m in command

and that I need no one,

but don’t believe me.


My surface may be smooth but

my surface is my mask,

ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.

That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

to help me pretend,

to shield me from the glance that knows.


But such a glance is precisely my salvation,

my only hope, and I know it.

That is, if it is followed by acceptance,

If it is followed by love.

It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself

from my own self-built prison walls

from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.

It’s the only thing that will assure me

of what I can’t assure myself,

that I’m really worth something.

But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to. I’m afraid to.


I’m afraid you’ll think less of me,

that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.

I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing

and that you will see this and reject me.


So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game

With a façade of assurance without

And a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,

And my life becomes a front.

I tell you everything that’s really nothing,

and nothing of what’s everything,

of what’s crying within me.

So when I’m going through my routine

do not be fooled by what I’m saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying,

what I’d like to be able to say,

what for survival I need to say,

but what I can’t say.


I don’t like hiding.

I don’t like playing superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me

but you’ve got to help me.

You’ve got to hold out your hand

even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes

the blank stare of the breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging,

each time you try to understand because you really care,

my heart begins to grow wings –

very small wings,

but wings!


With your power to touch me into feeling

you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

how you can be a creator–an honest-to-God creator –

of the person that is me

if you choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

you alone can remove my mask,

you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,

from my lonely prison,

if you choose to.

Please choose to.


Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach me

the blinder I may strike back.

It’s irrational, but despite what the books may say about man

often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls

and in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls

with firm hands but with gentle hands

for a child is very sensitive.


Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet

and I am every woman you meet.

author’s website:¬†

My Bucket List

Friday, June 3rd, 2011

Well, the end is near.¬†¬† This year, more than anything, has taught me that.¬† I’m close to ending my career of teaching.¬† I’ve already finished 22 years of teaching.¬† I’m trying to finish 30.¬† So 8 years to go.¬† But with my back and other health problems it could be shorter than that.¬† In fact, for a short time, I considered retiring at the end of this year.¬† I even contacted Teacher’s retirement for an estimate.¬† My retirement would be 46% of my current salary if I retired at the end of this year rather than 75% at the end of 30 years.¬† A big difference in pay.¬† We could still afford to pay bills, but we would be reduced to only paying for necessities.¬† I would be back to living like I was when I first became a single, divorced parent — something that has taken me almost 20 years to work so hard to get away from.¬† So after some hard thinking and praying, and some luck with my back,¬† I have decided to stick it out some more years, as many as I can.

The main reason being that there are some things around the house that we wish to fix and purchase and do, so we need the money.  This is my bucket list:

1.  Purchase new washer and dryer (DONE)

2.  Purachase new dishwasher and stove (DONE)

3.  Fix up bathroom and shower.

4.  Fix up boards on house, and maybe get siding.

5.  Fix up kitchen counters. (DONE)

6.  Pay off credit cards.  (one to go!)

7.  Buy an RV/sleeper trailer.  (DONE)

8.  Buy a new truck to pull trailer, if necessary.  (DONE)

9.  Fix the holes that were punched into the walls.

10.  Fix the ceiling fan on the back porch.  (DONE)

Some of these would not be necessities, and so can be scratched off the list if I had to retire early.¬† Actually, most of them can be.¬† We’d just have to live with the kitchen as is, etc.¬† But I’ve worked too hard to not have something to show for it in my retirement.

Now, if only I could impart the importance of being frugal on my children.

Diary of a Plantkiller, Day 5

Monday, May 30th, 2011

Today is Memorial’s Day!¬† I wish all military and their families thanks for all their sacrifices in protecting our freedoms.

To help celebrate Memorial’s Day, we flew a flag in our garden:

Tommy worked in the garden today, finishing the mulch.  Then he decided that the yard needed mowing, and then of course he had to put out the sprinkler to water the yard.  He said a neat yard, and green grass was necessary to go with our pretty garden.

Everyone in the neighborhood is fixing up their yards.¬† It’s a neighborhood pride thing.¬† When one cuts their yard, the others do it.¬† They can’t look shabby now, can they?

Diary of a Plantkiller, Day 3 & 4

Monday, May 30th, 2011

Day 3 — Saturday we finished off the garden.¬† Tommy finished adding the last of the mulch, and then we went back to Home Depot.¬† Tommy wanted to buy some potted plants to put on the barstools in front of the windows.¬† While we were there,¬† I saw this stained glass butterfly wind thing to put in the garden.¬† lol¬† It’s taller than the flowers.

Starlite, I’ve been talking to the plants every morning.¬† Tommy says I can’t give them names, though.¬† I told him “Don’t be silly.¬† They already have names on their little information cards.”¬† The neighbors are probably wondering what I am doing walking around each plant every morning.¬† I can’t speak for all the plants, but the yellow lillies seem to like being spoken to.¬† They are blossoming nicely.

I still have to get a good night picture with the lights.  They have had time to charge now.

Day 4 — Sunday
Today we brought my MIL home to eat lunch with us.¬† She didn’t even notice the garden as she walked in the front door.¬† Hmph!¬† I told her that she would have to put on some old clothes and get out there and start weeding for her lunch.

Diary of a Plantkiller, Day 2

Saturday, May 28th, 2011

I like salads occoasionally, so weeds can be good.  They can be tasteless too.  lol  Back to no bread, no pasta, no rice, lowww sugar.

Thanks for the comments on the garden.¬† It does look nice.¬† Tommy put the solar lights in it.¬† I’ll take a pic of it later on this evening when the lights come on.¬† I’ve been seeing alot of dragonflies flying around.¬† That’s been nice.¬†

The sidewalk used to be lined with monkey grass, when we had bought the house.¬† I hated that stuff and always wanted to get rid of it.¬† Finnally, it’s gone!¬† the brick guys said they found some baby rattlers when they dug up the grass!¬† I’m so glad we did!

I’ve started my diet ok.¬† That’s not hard.¬† I wasn’t eating that much off the diet to begin with.¬† I’m going to try to get some exercise going regularly.¬† The little bit of gardening left me stiff today with my back.¬† I guess, I’ll have to start saying “no pain, no gain.”

It’s Day 2, and all of the plants are still alive!¬† Tommy’s talking about getting a few potted plants to put on the stools that we have on the porch behind the beds.¬† He’s a little proud of his work, too.

Diary of a Plantkiller

Friday, May 27th, 2011

School’s out for summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay!¬† Finally!¬† I thought it would never come.¬† Well, yesterday was our first day off of school.¬† We spent it going to my doctor’s appointment in the morning.¬† It was the cardiologist — a year’s checkup.¬† The heart was good, but not the weight.¬† I knew the weight would be up but not by that much.¬† It was disheartening.¬† I can hardly exercise with my back, and I’m not eating any worse than what I was before this disk problem.¬† I was on my way to losing weight then, had just lost 25 pounds.¬† Now, I’ve gained it all back and more.¬† And all my doctor can say is just don’t eat.

Anyway,¬† after the doctor’s appointment, we went to Walmart’s to buy some “rabbit” food.¬† I guess I’ll be eating weeds most of the summer.¬† We’ll have to see how that goes.¬†

While we were there, I checked out the plants.¬† Tommy just paid a guy to lay bricks for 2 flower beds in front of the house, so I told him I was going to look and see what was available.¬† Well, one thing lead to another.¬† We found a couple of plants at Walmart’s that we liked.¬† But then we ended up at Home Depot, and bought the dirt and the rest of the plants.¬† 45 bags of dirt, and 50 plants later we have a nice colorful garden.¬†

Here’s a pic:

Lots of color, huh!  I told Tommy that if I was going to put the work into a garden and kill plants, I at least wanted the color!  And bless Tommy, when my back gave out, he finished off the job for me. 

I must admit.¬† I am a plant killer.¬† Don’t ask me how or why.¬† But I kill plants.¬† I do not know how long these plants will live.¬† I do not know when their hour will come, but I will enjoy their beauty while I can.

Pam’s Law

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

Well, I can tell you in retrospect, 2010 was an interesting year. It seemed like it was going to start off slow but that was only a misconception.  

I’ve been suffering with ongoing back problems, which I’ve learned to manage around the pain.¬† ¬†But the migraines that come now and then are getting worse. Perhaps they are related, but my latest doctor doesn’t seem to be too concerned on the migraines, other than relieving my pain. I went from having one doctor to having 5 doctors.

We won’t delve much into school.¬† ¬†School is always an interesting place.¬† ¬†But it is growing more interesting– much more interesting that I’m dreaming of retirement.¬† 8 years and counting.¬†¬† Too bad I didn’t win the lottery.

But I guess the most nerve-wracking events have been the hospital visits.¬†¬† 5 out of 8 immediate family members have had some kind of ER/hospital stay .¬†¬† My mother-in-law had fallen and broke her hip.¬†¬† Now she has alzheimer’s and since October, her faculties have quickly diminished.¬†¬† My father had emergency visit to the hospital for what turned out to be gout.¬†¬† My sister passed out and her son had to call the ambulance, for dehydration from flu. ¬†Oh, and my husband, who tried to operate on the vaccuum cleaner with a knife, stabbed himself, and I found myself driving him to ER to get some stitches.¬† And my son spent a week in the hospital at the end of October.¬†

I’m sick of hospitals.

¬†I’m sick of sitting in waiting rooms for hours before being brought into an examining room.¬† And then waiting in there before being seen by a doctor.¬† I have much better things to do.¬†

¬†And so, in keeping with the spirit of New Year’s and resolutions and making changes and such, I have proscribed Pam’s Law.

Pam’s Law:¬† No one –¬† absolutely no one¬†– will go to the hospital this year.

January 3, 2011 — Mrs. Broussard, my wonderful MIL, slipped and fell, dislocating her thumb, and spent the morning …..

 in the hospital!

 I can tell that 2011 is not going to be a quiet year!